Wednesday, April 30, 2008
tomorrow's
FOURZED'S GATHERING! i
CANT WAIT. (: i've missed everyone like crazy.
but amidst all these, i am supposed to work and study. crap. how to! ARGHHH. :x cause like the whole day spent at sentosa with 4Z, then celebratory dinner out. whooots. tell me. how to work. AHAHAHA. okay whatever.
on my way out to safra with jason, i realised that he has REALLY INTERESTING FRIENDS. AHHAHA. finally met the OTHER victor from chs, and weida properly. ahhha. COOLIOS. (: bitch club. tsktsk. (:
CURRENT RECORD: I'VE BEEN AWAKE FOR MORE THAN 21 HOURS AND STILL COUNTING.
opps. talk about that, ahahaha i've been awake since 2+ this morning till now. :x homework kills. -.- oh well i love my mum for making coffee this morning for me. (((: a great help. and CAFFEINE ROCKS!
i guess i kinda mistook him. sorry. just wanted to apologize to him. take care okay. i know you will never read this. AHHAA. :x
I WANT MY MICROSOFT OFFICE FOR MAC! AND MY ECLIPSE AND BREAKING DAWN! DAMN. :X
Monday, April 28, 2008
IRRITATION. ANNOYANCE. PISSED. ANGER. FURY. LIVID. RAGE. IRRITABILITY. WRATH. AGGRAVATED. INFURIATED. IRKED. MADDENED. ENRAGED. INCENSED. IRE. PIQUED. VEXED. CHAGRIN. EXASPERATION. SPLEEN. PEEVED. MIFFED. RILED. HATRED. CHEATED.
DISAPPOINTMENT. DISPIRITEDNESS. DESPONDENCY. DISTRESS. DISGRUNTLEMENT. REGRET. WOUNDS. BLOOD. TEARS.
DEPRESSION. UNHAPPINESS. MELANCHOLY. MISERY. WOE. DESPAIR. HOPELESSNESS. UPSET. TEARFULNESS. REPRESSED. ESCAPISM.
well. that basically sums up everything that i'm feeling for the whole day after my lunch. i hope it is emphasized well enough. and it should be crystal clear. i'm sorry for those around me who had to face my wrath. im really sorry. especially to shermin. terrance too. and wenhui. and those who are like around me and got irritated. sorry. thanks for trying to cheer me up, shermin and terrance. love you guys so much. <3 especially terrance. ahaha. thanks guys.
just wanted to say i've regretted and am still regretting, that i withdrew from my dream school. freak luh. but then again, if i had appealed, i wouldnt have met great friends like terrance. (: ahaha. oh well. time to study for lit assignment tmr.
i'm so sorry, but my heart is just so filled with hatred now. i hate the school. and take note of the diction. it is HATE. no longer dislike. or what. but HATE. thank you very much. i feel more more more of it now than ever. hate hate hate. i am not those people in 1984, i am not taught to hate the school. it is not indoctrinated. it is true. from the bottom of my heart. only those around me are able to make me feel a little better. just a little. it has taught me much. it has taught me how much hatred i have for the school, it has made me learn something about myself, i never knew so much hate existed in me, i never taught it possible. never. ever. i cant even comprehend where and how all these hatred came from. i have never hated before. all these hate that stems from my heart has made me a hateful, despicable, vile person. im sorry guys, i wasnt able to offer you a better friend, i wasnt able to be a better me, a better friend, a better class rep, a better daughter, a better person. i'm just damaged and marred. im really sorry. i dont seem to be able to wipe off the hatred. or the scars and flaws. im really sorry. i cant wait to get out. im so sorry. but i feel like some asshole. some traitor. but my life has been deceitful here, a fraud. and i cant shake off this fucking feeling that i've been cheated. but again, i have no one to blame but myself. i am one huge dumbass. too bad agnes, too bad. you're too stupid to save your own ass. just go and study.
i scream, FRAUD FRAUD FRAUD! DECEPTION! CHEATS! I HATE YOU!
Thursday, April 17, 2008
last time, i was afraid of my dad. not because he's fierce or what. but because he is a guy. i fear him. i didn't like him. to be more precise, i didn't like to be around him, i feel uncomfortable around him, for one reason or another, i just try to run as far away from him as possible.
but now i kinda missed him, seeing how he only reaches home after eight thirty at night regularly instead of the usual seven plus. i don't feel the awkwardness anymore. i guess it's just a adolescent stage that people go through, okay, maybe it's just me. oh well. i love my dad. and i love my mum.
this week was hell, hectic. especially the start of the week. i was totally so freaking flustered that people around me might just have thought that i was pms-ing. no i am not, just fyi. i'm just
really stressed, and that led to annoyance and irritation, and in the end it became anger. sorry to those who suffered my wrath, i apologize. it's unfair for you guys to kena this kind of shit from me. damn.
i can't wait for the weekend to come.
most importantly, i can't wait for june holidays to arrive~ around one more month, 5 weeks!
i'm sure time passes very quickly. (:
Friday, April 11, 2008
Life is a Bitch, as quoted from shermin. [:x] hugely agree with that. contributing factors: your surroundings, and the people around you. in the past, i never felt such hatred towards my life. thats because the people around me were all SO NICE. their kindness covered up the evil deeds of THE Bitch, you wont even notice her evil aurora and presence. but once all these nice people are gone, you'll suddenly be overwhelmed by the shit this Bitch is doing to you. 거짓말. this is the shittest time im having now. people say college life is so damn fun. i have doubts about that. doubts. doubts. and more doubts. sorry, im in self-denial now, im trying to escape. 미안해요.
다 거짓말 이야 몰랐어.
Sunday, April 06, 2008
15 minutes before the end of 6 April 2008.
sorry my dear yanhui, only managed to come online at this time to announce your birthday on my blog.
HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY MY DEAREST FRIEND!
thank you for all the memories you have given me during these four years. they are etched deeply in my mind, all the time we've spent together, during training, lessons, and going out. it feels weird to not being able to celebrate your birthday with you this year, in school especially. i miss singing happy birthday for you. i miss so much of your crapping. i miss your singing and humming. i even miss your violence, somehow. i miss you so so so much. its just- unbearable to be unable to see you after four long years. its true when they say, only when you've lost it, you'll learn to cherish it more. sigh, the cruelty of human nature, ignorance. oh well. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! and i'll love you always! remember- 'my heart for you is blue/ i want to hug you like the sky.' LOL. :x
the gaping hole that is left in me, the scar there, forever. when you guys left, you took a piece of me with you. no one is here to fill it up, you guys are irreplaceable.
the emptiness within me.
the loneliness surrounding me.
the darkness encompassing me, engulfing me, swallowing me.
i tried to wave away the darkness, tried to tear it away, tried to claw it away, but to no avail.
i tried to swim out of this darkness, i struggled, strained, strove on to swim out- but i am not resurfacing.
i gave up, my hands trailing weakly down by my sides.
the darkness overtook me, i didnt bother doing anything.
despite the hole in me, i sank and sank.
sank to the unfathomable bottom, never ever resurfacing.
darkness attacks.
my body sways, swings, flips, flings, rolls.
blood flows freely from the limbs, the torso.
the blackness no longer engulfs me, now the crimson red, dark red, black red.
i am battered, blown, busted.
dead dead dead.
the dead end.
my soul goes on, unhurt, and our legacy lives on.
Saturday, April 05, 2008
im having difficulty in concentrating on what i am supposed to be doing now. shit. damn irritated. i need to continue~ and try to concentrate. this sucks luh. but oh well. what can i do yo. concentrate concentrate concentrate! somehow my mind just flits around. after a while. -.- it was okay earlier on. ARGH.
CONCENTRATE!
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY SPECIAL FRIEND TODAY~ love you always! (: on this special day i want to say out all my appreciations for you. ((((: thanks for all the help and support you have given me all along. and i just want to apologise for all the tantrums, rantings and ramblings i've hurtled at you at times, i'm sorry for that. just wanted to say that i appreciate all that you've done, and yes, i thank god gladly that i've met such a great friend like you. (: wish you good luck in whatever you'll do and JIAYOU! (:
i love 2 April 2008~ <3
today's a great day. heh.
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
when someone makes a mistake, and another person corrects it with a harsher tone, the person will just attitude at you thinking you are some shit. no matter how much you try to correct him or her, if he/she does not realise your rationale behind you correcting him/her, then just don't waste your efforts, they'll never learn. and even better, they talk behind your back, bitch about you and everything. so the moral of the story is: only 'scold/nag/lecture/reprimand' someone when he/she knows what/why are you doing this, if not you're just doing the classic 對牛彈琴. which is quite dumb, you're just wasting your saliva. he/she will just think that they're not in the wrong. always in the right. i learnt this from someone who lives under the same roof as me, the only one other who's younger than me. the inhumane one. her hamartia is horrendous. i doubt she'll ever be repentant of all that shit she's done. she
fucking killed everyone with her damnit horrible foul temper, and i swear i'm so going to turn into a revenger one day. DDD: but yeh, my main point is that. it's THAT bad. i'm going of wash my hands off her.